What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
Rufffff! (submitted by Amers)
What happened to the mouse who fell off the shelf and into a glass of Mountain Dew?
Nothing, it was a soft drink! (submitted by Hannah)
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A Pork-Chop! (submitted by Travis, age 6, from Jonesboro, Arkansas)
What is a dogs favorite drink?
Dr. Pupper! (submitted by Megan)
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because the kids have to play inside! (submitted by Jesse Brown)
What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
Any dog, buildings can't jump! (submitted by Connor M from Lake Ozark, MO)
Why did the dog jump into the river?
Because he wanted to catch a cat fish! (submitted by Jennifer McKeen)
What looks exactly like a hippo but weighs nothing?
Its shadow! (submitted by Alex)
What does a frog do when its car breaks down?
Gets it toad off and jump started! (submitted by Josh)
What is the best year for a kangaroo?
A leap year! (submitted by Hanna Johnson)
What would happen if pigs could fly?
Bacon would go up! (submitted by LeeAnne Burey from Timmins Ontario Canada)
How do you close an envelope underwater?
With a Seal! (submitted by Tyler Burey from Timmins Ontario Canada)
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because they have smelly feet! (submitted by Mark Burey from Timmins Ontario Canada)
Where do cats like to go on vacation?
The Canary Islands! (submitted by Horser)
If a wolf lost his tail, where would he get another one?
The re-tail store! (submitted by paula)
What is a horse's favorite cartoon character?
Whinney the Pooh! (submitted by Mayday Malone)
What did the teddy bear say when the monkey offered him dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed! (submitted by Mary)
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam! (submitted by Jake)
How does a dog smell?
Badly! (submitted by Thomas & Krista Kais-Prial)
What kind of dog likes to take a bath?
A Sham-poodle! (submitted by amanda)
What monkey can fly?
A hot air baboon! (submitted by Funky Monkey)
What do you call a Triceritops that never gives up?
A try, try, triceritops! (submitted by sweeTpi14)
What do you call a dog that gets mail?
A golden receiver! (submitted by Manda)
What did the duck say to the comedian after the show?
You really quacked me up! (submitted by Jessica Marquez, TX)
What kind of shoes do chickens wear?
Reebok-bok-boks! (submitted by Thomas)
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school! (submitted by Taylor Brown)
Why do birds fly south?
Its too far to walk! (submitted by Clinton Ward)
Why did the farmer take hay to bed?
He wanted to feed his Night-Mares! (submitted by Jesse)
What is a dog's favorite snack?
Pupcorn! (submitted by Desiree)
Why did the cat run from the tree?
It barked! (submitted by Ashley Washburn)
Have you heard the story about the cat on the roof?
Don't worry about it, its over your head! (submitted by Nicole Z)
10 cats were on a boat, one jumped off, how many were left?
None, they were all copycats! (submitted by Adam Z.)
What does a monkey shampoo his hair with?
Vidal Baboon! (submitted by peewee)
What is black & shiny, lives in trees, and very dangerous?
A crow with a machine gun! (submitted by Simon Todd)
Where do cows dance?
At the meatball! (submitted by Sabrina M.)
What does an astronaut's penguin eat?
Mission Chips! (submitted by LI)
What do you give a pig with a rash?
Oinkment! (submitted by Megan)
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator! (submitted by Callie W.)
What does Cinderella Seal wear?
Glass Flippers! (submitted by JOJO)
Why is it loud in a barn?
Because the cows have horns! (submitted by Bob)
Which is more generous, a skunk or a giraffe?
The skunk, because he gives off a scent! (submitted by WaCkO)
What did the chicken say to the farmer?
Nothing! A chicken can't talk! (submitted by Alicia)
What animal carries an umbrella?
A raindeer! (submitted by A&C)
What do frogs order in restaurants?
French Flies! (submitted by T.T.T.)
What day of the week do fish hate?
Fry-day! (submitted by Beauty Spots)
Where does a fish keep his money?
In a river bank! (submitted by Joe)
What do you call 100 bunnies jumping backwards?
A receding hare-line! (submitted by Brogan)
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croak-a-Cola! (submitted by Brit)
What do you give a sick alligator?
Gatorade! (submitted by Michelle)
Why does a hummingbird hum?
It doesn't know the words! (submitted by Zachary Fry)
Did you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire! (submitted by Lauren S.)
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him! (submitted by Lauren S.)
What do you call a rabbit that is owned by a beetle?
A Bug's Bunny! (submitted by Biker & Pinker)
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? (submitted by Clara DuPont)
What does a crab use to call someone?
A Shellular phone! (submitted by Holly)
Where do penguins keep their money?
In the snow bank! (submitted by Laynie)
What do rabbits do when they get married?
Go on a bunnymoon! (submitted by thewies)
What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey! (submitted by Zach C.)
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef! (submitted by Sadie)
What kind of fish has 2 knees?
A two-knee fish! (submitted by Tiffany)
How do you keep a fish from smelling?
Cut off its nose! (submitted by Spike)
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer! (submitted by Ange)
What is gray, howls at the moon, and is full of concrete?
A wolf, the concrete part is just to make it harder! (submitted by Zowie)
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Its easier than walking! (submitted by Sara Anam)
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into court?
Odor in the court! (submitted by Kelli)
What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sour puss! (submitted by Bo)
What do you call a fish without an eye?
A Fsh! (submitted by Veterano)
What kind of cat shouldn't you play cards with?
A Cheetah! (submitted by Carley)
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! (submitted by Brockie)
What is the quietest dog?
A hushpuppy! (submitted by Little Helper)
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work! (submitted by Em Myster)
What is a twip?
What a wabbit takes when he wides a twain! (submitted by Farheen Dehlavi)
What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Are you my mother? (submitted by Andrei)
What is gray, has big ears and a trunk?
A mouse going on vacation! (submitted by Emma J.)
What kind of bears like to go out in the rain?
Drizzly Bears! (submitted by Whazup99)
How do robins get in shape?
They do worm-ups! (submitted by Whazup99)
What is brown, has a hump, and lives in the North Pole?
A very lost camel! (submitted by Scott)
Name six things smaller than an ant's mouth?
Six of its teeth! (submitted by Mr. JoJo)
Where do horses go when they are sick?
To the Horsepital! (submitted by Tiffany)
What do you do when a dog is crying in the back seat of a car?
Put him in the front seat! (submitted by Whitney Briggs)
Why can't a leopard hide?
Because he's always spotted! (submitted by Sonia/Akhil)
What's the difference between a dog and a painter?
One sheds his coat, and the other coats his shed! (submitted by anonymous)
What did scientists say when they found bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it! (submitted by M. Grove)
Which side of the chicken does the feathers grow on?
The outside! (submitted by Karli)
What do you call a cow that has just had a baby?
A Decalfinated Cow! (submitted by Naomi)
What does a nuclear scientist penguin eat?
Fission chips! (submitted by Ravi)
What kind of dog tells time?
A watch dog! (submitted by Kellie H.)
Why do bears buy cheap sneakers?
Because when they wear them they still have bear feet! (submitted by Melissa from PA)
What do you call a monkey holding a firecracker?
A baboom! (submitted by Joshua B. Baker)
What do cows do on Saturday nights?
Go to the mooooooooovies! (submitted by Michelle)
What did the cat eat for breakfast?
Mice Cakes! (submitted by Marcya)
How do you stop a rhino from charging?
Take away its credit card! (submitted by anonymous)
Why did Mickey Mouse leave home?
Because his father was a rat! (submitted by Bill P.)
What do you call a box of fifty ducks?
A box of quackers! (submitted by Amber)
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little horse! (submitted by Uncle Mark)
What mouse doesn't eat cheese?
A computer mouse! (submitted by anonymous)
Why are frogs good outfielders?
Because they can catch lots of flies! (submitted by Aaron Tapp)
What do rabbits send their mail by?
Haremail! (submitted by Jeff)
What kind of car does a cat drive?
A Cat-a-lac! (submitted by Monica M.)
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish! (submitted by Christine B.)
What happened to the cow who went for a drive?
He got a moo-ving violation! (submitted by Brittany K. Payton)
Why was the pelican kicked out of the hotel?
Because he had a big bill! (submitted by Ashley Nimey)
What does a shark eat with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
What do you do with a blue whale?
Try to cheer him up!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line!
What do you call a cat at the beach?
Sandy Claws!
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
To the Baa Baa shop!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Crispies!
Send me your jokes & riddles...if I like them I'll post them, and give you the credit! Just click on the envelope below, type out your joke, and tell me the name or nickname that you want me to post with it.
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